When In Wonderland
by skullchildforever
Summary: What if you had to take Alice's place as the newest guardian of Wonderland? CheshireCatXOC
1. To Wonderland I Go

First, an introduction. *Cough, cough*, my name is Drusilla Price, though my friends call me Dru for short. I am a twenty three year old living in what has to be one of the smallest apartments near my college. The only roomate I have is large cat. The Cheshire cat to be exact (unintended rhyme o.O). And he likes to go back and forth between this world and Wonderland. I have never been to Wonderland before this night, though Chess (that's what I called him for short) has told me about it on several different occasions. He liked to use the words "mad" and "dangerous" a lot to describe them. It sounded both horrific and fascinating all at the same time.

Now then, on with the story:

Normal World, about two hours before midnight...

"Chess? Chess, where did you go?" I called to my cat. I was walking around my small apartment calling for him. The cat I had had since he jumped right out of my first edition copy of Alice in Wonderland. Seriously. I had been just sitting there reading the first scene with the Cheshire cat when he suddenly jumped right out of the picture. I had been shocked at first. But I had gotten used to him and had grown to love him in the past four years.

Walking into the dark kitchen, I felt the wall for the light switch, which for some reason I still couldn't easily find even after almost six months of living in this cramped apartment.

Finally feeling the switch, I flipped it, revealing Chess sprawled out across the table, a catnip toy just inches from his nose. "Chess?" I said.

With the usual grin on his face, he said, "Yes, Dru?"

Holding up the struggling little creature by the nape of its neck, I said, "What is this?"

The grin never leaving his face, he said, "a red king mouse?"

"That's right, and I'm sick of finding them all over this apartment!" The creature was what they in Wonderland called a red queen mouse. They lived in or around the red queen's castle. They all had the red card patterns as their fur. Some had the joker card designs, some were numbers, jacks, queens, and (like the one in my hand) kings.

Turning over to lay on his belly with his elbows on the table and his face resting in his paws, he looked up at me, his grin never budging. "Can't help it. The queen's mice are just so…fun to play with. Before I eat them of course. And did I mention they have a flavor like no other?"

The tiny mouse started to struggle even harder in my hand. "Let me go! Let me go! I won't tell anyone! Just let me live!" It screamed, his small and desperate squeaky voice breaking my heart. I felt so horribly bad for the poor thing. I did every time I caught one of those damn mice. But Chess had to eat something. And it had to be a creature from Wonderland. I had tried to get him to eat some Meow Mix before but he just wouldn't go for it.

Sighing and feeling heartbroken for the poor mouse, I said, "Okay, but please just don't make a mess and try to keep it quiet. That one time you had the poor thing squealing for its life, I thought I was going to vomit." That was when I tossed the mouse to Chess on the table, turning as quickly I could and walking out the room before the little blood bath could start.

"How could such a sweet cat be so horrible to mice?" I asked myself as I walked to my bedroom to study for an exam that was just a week away. "Oh yeah," I said, "He's mad like the rest of 'em"

A couple of hours later, after I'm sure Chess was done "playing" with the mouse and cleaning up the mess I knew he made, I went back into the kitchen for a energy drink…

…only to find a gaping hole in the middle of time and space floating in my kitchen.

"What the hell?" I said. Then I called out, "Chess? Chess! Get your furry ass in here right now!" I waited just a couple of seconds before shouting again, "Chess! Where did you go this time?" Just then, a large red and white hand reached through the portal. And when I say large I mean large. This thing had to of been at least half the size of my kitchen!

You know, you would think I would panic at the sight of the gaping hole or the giant hand that was coming through it. Nope. My dumb ass decides to try and escape the hand that was coming after me once it's reached a distance of like three feet away from me. Talk about a deer in the headlights.

It grabbed me. Screaming, the hand painfully squeezed my body…and started dragging me into the hole with it.

"No, no, no, no, _NO!_" I screamed unsuccessfully. Annoyed with my squeals, the hand squeezed me harder, and I passed out, the hand still dragging me into the hole to…Wonderland…


	2. In Wonderland I am

You know, Wonderland isn't as fun as it may seem to be.

I was woken by the sound of a deep voice saying, "Wake up! Wake up I said!" The voice had a …British? No, a Scottish accent maybe? Aw hell, who knows?

I slowly started opening my eyes, though it took some time. With a bright light shining directly in your face, wouldn't you take your time?

Suddenly, I felt a boot start to nudge my ribs. It wouldn't have been quite as painful without the sharp razor that was sticking out of it.

Jumping back, fully awake and hitting my head hard against a wall, I yelled out in pain. "Damn it all to hell!" I moved my hand to feel my ribs and felt blood pouring from a fresh wound.

"Oops, sorry about that," the same voice said. A man bent down in front of me, I couldn't see him very well because of my eyes still adjusting. After a minute or so, I was able to open them all the way and see the man.

"What the hell?" I said, confused. This man was grinning like no other I had seen before and was wearing a black and green overcoat with holes in it and had a white buttoned shirt underneath. His pants were originally black, but that was mostly covered up by patches of different fabrics and patterns. He had pale skin and wild, tousled hair. Not to mention, one green eye and one blue. But what caught my attention most of all was his hat…it couldn't be…"The mad hatter?" I asked the man.

He giggled and said, "The one and only! Now let's get you cleaned up! It's almost time for tea you know! Or were you planning on being late? Ah, just like Alice." He yanked me up by my arm and led me from the small room into another.

This room was obviously his…what would you call a place that made hats? Anyway, the room had lots of different fabrics and scissors and needles and all the other things one would need for making hats for a living. The hatter sat me down in a large fluffy chair with pins sticking out of it. I was careful not to stick myself with the pins and earn myself another cut.

The hatter was a walking ball of chaos. He was throwing different pieces of fabrics and more sharp objects. And I was unfortunate enough to get another cut from a flying pair of scissors. "Ow!" I yelled out in pain again. It had hit my shoulder and hard. More blood to come. Wonderful.

Not looking from the pile he was digging in across the room, the hatter said, "Sorry about that! Now where in the name of Alice could it be…ah ha! Here we are!" He pulled something up that I couldn't see. Turning around, he presented a dress. This dress was kind of cool looking, I had to admit. It was white with black designs of playing cards decorating it.

"Did you make that?" I asked him, awe in my voice.

"Indeed I did. I don't make just hats, you know Dru. Now put this on! Tea time will start at any moment! Oh and you still don't heal like we do yet, do you?" Shaking my head, he said, "didn't think so. Here's some fabric to tie around your wounds, again, sorry about those. Now hurry, hurry, hurry!" He suddenly left the room with such speed I didn't think it could be real. Hell I couldn't believe this whole situation was real!

Taking the dress, I laid it in the chair so I wouldn't lose it in the mess, and I took my tank top off to start wrapping my rips and shoulder. After that, I glanced at the dress. Am I really here right now? I asked myself. Pinching my arm, I said, "Yup." After taking off the rest of my clothes, which was only a pair of black sweats and some fuzzy socks, I put on the dress the hatter had given me.

Walking over to a mirror I had spotted earlier, I was surprised. It fit my form perfectly. It held up my boobs okay, it didn't make me look fat, it wasn't too tight or too loose. It was like it was made just for me…but I had never even met the mad hatter before then. How could he have made such a perfect dress for me?

Walking from the mirror, I decide to observe my surroundings. It was a large circular room. There were many hats and designs for hats littering the floor and desk. The only thing that wasn't covered in a mess of hats and scraps of fabric was the chair the hatter had sat me in.

Bored with my new surroundings, and wanting to explore the rest of this strange new world, I walk outside. The sun is bright and shining in my face as I walk out. With the sun shining in my eyes, I couldn't see anything at first. But as my eyes adjusted, I saw…holy hell.

That had to be the longest dining table I had ever seen. It was grand, well, it must have been before everyone started using it as a tea table. There were over a dozen mixed and mismatched chairs. Some plain and wooden, others like the one I had seen in the hatter's workshop. And the tea! So much tea! There were teacups and tea pots and tea spoons and so many things to do with tea on this table! Maybe I was going mad like the rest of them?

As I started walking to the table, I heard the three people, and animals, start singing the words to "Twinkle, twinkle little bat." I couldn't help but smile. That had been my favorite rhyme since I was little. "Maybe I could get used to this," I told myself.

When I reached about three feet away from the table, I coughed loudly. But no one bothered to look up, they just kept singing. Coughing once more, I said, "Um…hello?"

The people/animals looked up from their song and tea and I noticed a brownish rabbit. This rabbit looked like he was having a seizure! He was shaking uncontrollably and saying, "Tea, tea, tea! Who wants some more tea! Tea for all! Tea for all!" Then he spotted me. His eyes were wild. They looked like they belonged to a hungry wolf and not to a rabbit. Picking up his tea cup, he threw it at me, yelling as he did. "Madame, you are late for _tea_!"

Dodging the flying tea cup, but also getting splashed with hot tea, I said, "Jesus! I'm sorry! I was putting on this dress that the hatter gave me!"

"Dress?" The rabbit had been in the middle of picking up a tea pot to throw at me this time when I suddenly saw a white hand appeared from behind a large overstuffed chair to stop the flying tea pot. "Aw, damn! Hatter! Why did you stop it from hitting her? She should no that you should never be late for tea!"

"Indeed, rabbit. But this is Dru's first time to Wonderland. How was she supposed to know?" I walked around the chair to see the hatter. He was just silently sipping his tea now. His eyes weren't wild like they had been before. He wasn't throwing things about, or acting…mad. Noticing me observing him, he said, "You know, I'm not mad _all_ the time, Dru. At least, not lately. And that's why we've brought you here. Well, the red queen's guardian brought you to Wonderland, but somehow you ended up here! Ha ha! What luck! Now be a dear and take a seat." He patted a chair next to his.

Not wanting to upset any of these other characters, I sat down in the chair he had pointed me to. It wasn't large and overstuffed like his, but it also wasn't a hard wooden chair. It had some cushion to it and was very comfortable. But I felt uncomfortable sitting right across from the rabbit that was eyeing me suspiciously. And next to me was a sleeping mouse. He was sleeping on a small pile of grape jam. This mouse wasn't like the red queen's mice. This was just a plain brown-grey one. He was actually kind of cute.

We sat in silence, all of us, even me, drinking tea. Finally, I couldn't take the silence and said, "So, uh, why am I here again?" Maybe it was just a fluke. Maybe they could send me home easily!

Giggling again, the hatter said, "Why, if you must know right away, we have brought you here to take Alice's place! The poor girl has been guarding Wonderland for almost 150 years! 147 year to be exact. And we think it's time for a new guardian to emerge and finally let her soul rest. So we sent out the Cheshire cat to find a new candidate and here you are!" He sipped his tea again like it was no big deal.

Well it kind of _was_ a big deal! "What do you mean by guardian of Wonderland? I thought Alice was just a girl who happened to fall down a rabbit hole and end up in this strange world."

"No, no. Alice had been selected to be the guardian back then. But the fact that she was just an eight year old little girl when first came didn't exactly help." He eyed the rabbit, who just looked at his tea cup as he sipped from it. "That's the last time I send this rabbit to get another guardian. But any who, she was the guardian nevertheless, but had to go back to her world for another eleven years! When she turned nineteen, we brought her to Wonderland once more and she finally accepted her fate as the new guardian."

"And why was I selected?" I asked as I eyed what I couldn't decide was a cookie or a tiny cake.

"Well, I trust the Cheshire cat's judgment. So I haven't asked him yet."

Then it occurred to me. "Wait, where is Chess?" How could I not have thought about the cat I loved more than anything for so long!

"Chess? Oh, the Cheshire cat. He could be anywhere in Wonderland right now. He's one of the few here that can go wherever pleases, when he pleases."

Suddenly, we heard a loud voice yelling. "Mail! Mail! Mail! Really important and super secret letter for the mad hatter!" Not exactly super secret if you go yelling about it, I thought.

A little blue bird with an envelope tied to one of its legs landed on the hatter's shoulder. It seemed really tired, like it had been flying as fast and hard as it could.

The hatter looked concerned as he opened the letter. Reading it, his eyes got bigger than the plates that littered the table. Literally. I'm not just saying that. They were actually the size of the plates.

"Read this, Dru! Read this!" He shoved letter into my nose and I was about to protest when he said, "No time to waste! Read! Read! Read!"

Annoyed and wanting to go home and crawl back into bed, I opened up the letter and read it:

Dear Hatter,

I am writing this letter to inform you that I have finally weakened enough for the Red Queen to defeat me. I am sorry my friend. You must have the new guardian ready and soon! I am currently being held in a dungeon in the Red Queen's castle. I can communicate very little, but this bird should come in handy. Use him to contact me but only when absolutely necessary.

A.

Looking up from the letter, I said, "So…now what do we do?"

The hatter looked me directly in the eyes, and said, "We rescue Alice. We rescue her no matter what. She is still technically the guardian of Wonderland, and it is out duty to rescue her no matter the cost."


	3. Welcome To Wonderland

Okay, let's try and get this whole situation straight.

I've been transported to the world of Wonderland.

I'm apparently supposed to be the new guardian or something. Guard what? I thought Wonderland was peaceful.

The old guardian whose place I would take, Alice, had been captured by the Red Queen.

It was my duty as the future guardian to save her.

F my life

The Hatter was still staring into my eyes, obviously trying to show me how serious this whole situation was. Message received, so how exactly do I save Alice from the Red Queen's castle? The only thing I new about fighting I had picked up from a self defense class I had taken with some of my friends a couple years ago. Like that would help. And my dad had always made sure I knew I how to use a gun…kind of doubted that they had guns in Wonderland.

"So how are we going to do this?" I asked, finally breaking the eerie silence.

Back to his madly cheerful mood, the Hatter said, "Why, let's go to the Red Queen's castle right now!" He grabbed my wrist and was yanking me from my seat and I was about to protest when the rabbit threw yet another tea cup at me.

"Idiots! Both of you!" The rabbit's eyes were back to their hungry wolf look, glaring at me with such hatred. At least at the time I had thought it was hatred. Then I remembered the words I had read in the book when I was younger, "We're all mad here…" the words would forever haunt me.

Looking confused, the Hatter said, "What is wrong, my friend? Do you not think Dru is ready?" His double-colored eyes were back on me, observing me from head to toe. I looked at the rabbit who was now just calmly sipping his tea, though still shaking uncontrollably. "No!" The Hatter suddenly yelled right in my damn ear!

Fueled with rage, I said "What the fuck? Right in my fucking ear?"

Giggling uncontrollably again, the Hatter just stood there, while the rabbit said, "Indeed! We must get you ready! You can not just prance into the Red Queen's castle and grab Alice and run! There are preparations! Preparations I say!" He jumped from his spot at the table and hopped towards me. Jumping up, I thought he was going to hit me in the head, but instead just landed on my shoulder. He still had his cup of tea in his hands/paws and was sipping.

I couldn't take this anymore. I yelled, "Damn it!" and I grabbed rabbit by the ears and threw him off of me. He crashed right into a huge tree with purple leaves I hadn't noticed earlier. I looked up into the branches and cried out, "Chess!"

There, lying in the trees was the gigantic grin I would know anywhere. Next to appear was one eye, then two, and slowly the stripes that decorated his fur and then the rest of his body. "Hello, Drusilla," Chess said, jumping down from his branch. "I see you've finally met the Mad Hatter and the rabbit. They're rather…_mad_ aren't they?" He laughed lightly and walked up to me, his tail held high. "I wonder…" Chess said, confusing me even more with this whole situation. Chess turned his head to look at Hatter and said, "Should I show Dru what I really look like? It's not like she's an eight year old girl like Alice was when she first came here."

The Hatter was having an uncontrollable fit of giggling. At what? No clue.

Between his giggles, the Hatter said, "Why not? Her mind seems a little more stable than that of a human child." I almost threw something at the Hatter when he said 'a little'.

"Alright," Chess said, looking back up at me. The grin on his face shrank just a little then, his dark eyes on mine. "Sorry if this freaks you out a little, Dru."

"What are you-?" I started but I was cut off by the sound of a strong wind. My dark curls whipped around me, making me use my hand to fight to be able to see through them. The wind seemed to form all around Chess's small cat body, then suddenly…he was gone. Looking to my left and right, I called out, "Chess? Where'd you go!"

"I'm right behind you, Dru," I heard a deep voice whisper in my ear.

I jumped from the voice in my ear, and landed right on my ass on the ground. "What the hell?" I said, turning around to see who snuck up on me…I couldn't believe it. "Ch-chess?" I said, not wanting to believe what I was seeing.

A tall man with cat-like ears and tail was grinning down at me, sharp fangs bared but in no way threatening me. His hair was somewhat long and a purplish black color. And that grin. I would know that unbelievably big grin anywhere. It was Chess. My Chess! The cat that I had had since starting college! But he wasn't a cat anymore…well, he kind of was…ah hell! I don't know! He was a cat man! There, that works.

The grin never budging as usual, Chess offered a clawed hand to me and said, "You okay, Dru?" I took his hand, careful to avoid the sharp claws, and mumbled something like, "Yah."

"Well as sweet as this is, there's still the matter of our dear Alice being kidnapped by the Red Queen!" The rabbit called from the base of the tree I had thrown him at. His tea had somehow not spilled and he was sipping slowly. I was convinced he was trying to stare daggers into our souls. But just as soon as it had appeared, it disappeared and was replaced by a huge small much like the Hatter's and he said, "Tee-hee! The look on your face, Drusilla! Did you really think the Cheshire Cat was actually a cat?" He started barking with laughter.

Grabbing a tea pot from the table, I threw it at the rabbit, who squeaked and dodged just in time to avoid the flying tea pot. "Well with a name like the Cheshire _Cat_, one could only assume that the Cheshire _Cat_ is a _cat_! And not a cat-_man_!" I turned back to Chess, who was still grinning.

For once, his grin just pissed me off.

I tackled Chess and shook him by the shoulders as I screamed in his grinning face, "Why the _hell_ did you not tell me you were really a man-cat-thing? Or did you think my _fragile_ child-like mind couldn't handle it? Huh?" I continued shaking him, refusing to stop until he answered.

And now for once, his grin disappeared completely. The Cheshire Cat, the biggest grinner on either Earth or in Wonderland, looked at me with a serious expression and said, "Would you really have let me stay and observe you for so long if I was in my human-like form?" I stopped shaking him. Thinking for a moment, I thought to myself, he kind of does have a point…

Seeing I finally understood, Chess's grin stretched back into place and he said, "See? Now would you get off me please?"

I felt a blush spread across my cheeks as I said, "S-sorry." I got off him, trying not to look him in his wide cat-like eyes.

"No problem, Dru." He said, getting up from the ground and I swear I heard him start purring. I shuddered a little. Never thought I would see a man purring…a straight man anyway. Then again…

Out of the blue, I said, "Wait, Chess, are you gay?"

The grin disappeared again and he quit purring as he said, "What? No! What made you think that?"

Blushing again, I said, "Nothing," and got to my feet, brushing away the grass and dirt that had gotten on my dress.

I noticed a small grass stain on the edge of the dress and called out, "Hell. Sorry about the grass stain, Hatter!"

The Hatter stopped giggling and looked at me, his eyes gone wild. "Grass stain?...GRASS STAIN? Not on my watch!" The Hatter charged at me and scooped me up and carried me inside his tiny house, saying stuff like, "Die! Die! The grass stain must die, die, die!"

Once in his workshop, he ran right through a door (with me still in his arms. Ouch.) that led to a small room with a tub. The tub was already filled with warm, bubbly water and the Hatter dumped me in without as much as a warning.

For a moment I was just coughing, trying to get out the mass amount of bubbles that had gotten into my lungs. Still fully clothed, the Hatter ignored the fact that I was still in the dress as he scrubbed and scrubbed at the grass stain, the tiny one he probably wouldn't have noticed if I had kept my mouth shut.

"Hatter!" I yelled through a mouth of bubbles. "Shouldn't I have taken the dress off and given it to you first?"

Eyes still wild, the Hatter said, "No time! No time! The stain must go down the drain! Down the drain! Down the drain!" Not sure whether that last little rhyme was intended or not, I just sat in the tub sopping wet and let the Hatter spend a good twenty minutes scrubbing at the tiny little stain. The one that had disappeared after two minutes of scrubbing, but that Hatter had convinced himself was still there.

"You're all fucking mad," I said, he continued to scrub and scrub.

I saw Chess leaning against the frame of the door, the grin still in place as he said, "Welcome to Wonderland."


	4. And The Adventure Begins

**Okay, for the few of you who read my story, I know my first three chapters were super short, but I'll to try and make the rest longer and more detailed. No promises though! So enjoy and review or the Mad Hatter will appear at the end of your bed in the middle of the night! And I'm not talking about the hot Johnny Depp Mad Hatter either…**

I was sitting back at the table outside of the Hatter's cottage, sopping wet from him throwing me into the tub and scrubbing my dress.

Jackass, I thought.

Chess was sitting next to me (it was going to take a while to get used to his human form), playing with the little mouse that had been sleeping earlier. The poor little mouse was cowering behind one of the many tea pots.

Rabbit, who had finally formally introduced himself as the March Hare and the mouse as the Dormouse, (for some reason I could never remember them, even as a child) had told him that if he so much as even thought about eating him, he would decapitate Chess himself. Chess had only grinned even wider and promised, though I noticed his fingers were crossed behind his back, that he wouldn't feast on the poor mouse.

I crossed my arms, shivering, and said, "Now before there are anymore distractions," I flicked my eyes in the direction of Hatter, who was just calmly sipping his tea, "_what_ are we going to do about rescuing Alice?"

Putting his tea cup down, Hatter said, "What are we going to do about Alice? Who knows! Who knows! To do something about Alice, one must first _have_ Alice!" Picking up a cookie, he took one small bite and grimaced. "Rabbit, my friend, did you put carrots in the cookies again?"

The rabbit just shrugged and started dropping ten sugar cubes at once into his tea. Then another ten, and another, and another, and another until his cup was completely filled with sugar cubes, the tea soaked up.

So much tea, I thought. I think I'm going to go mad myself soon.

Suddenly, Chess got up, dropping the tiny dormouse he had managed to catch on the table and said, "Dru, you're far too impatient as usual. Come with me."

As Chess started walking away, I got up from my chair and said, "Where we going?" Chess wasn't acting like himself. But then again, he could have hidden much about himself from me the past few years.

Turning to look back at me, he said, "To see the future of course!"

Rolling my eyes, I said, "Ha, ha. Now where are we going?"

I followed him around to the front of the cottage, confused and pissed off. "I told you!" He called back. "We're going to see the future!"

I lifted an eyebrow. "Is that so? Where is this so called future then?"

Chess tilted his head to the side, one of his cat ears twitching. "I'm not sure," he answered. "I suppose we'll find out!" He sped up, quickening his pace and his tail twitching with what I assumed was excitement.

We rounded the corner of the cottage and I stopped dead.

I sucked in, my breath caught in my throat. I barely managed to get out the words, "Oh. My. _God_."

What was before me was so beautiful. There was a lush multicolored forest, and a small dirt path leading into it. I could hear the distant sound of a river rushing somewhere. The leaves on the trees were so many different colors! And the flowers were just as colorful. So…beautiful. And the sky! The sun was bright blue like a sky and the sky bright yellow like a sun!

I noticed few creatures from where I stood at the edge of the forest. But the ones I did see were…odd. I noticed a group of small pig like creatures with duck feet walking in a strait line into the forest. And there was a large blue mother bird with green polka dots and stripes feeding her three young baby birds…scratch that. Her one young baby bird with _three heads_. I thought the animals couldn't get any weirder than that…I was wrong.

A large creature whose head nearly reached the tree tops was walking past us, ignoring us as if we were bugs. I took a closure look at the strange creature. Let's see, I thought. Body of a turtle, yet the head and tail and legs of a cow… "The mock turtle!" I answered myself.

This was just so incredible compared to the back of the cottage had been rather plain looking with only one purple colored tree and the long dining table. That had been it. But this…this was just spectacular!

Looking back at me with concern in his cat eyes, Chess stood several yards ahead of me, already a good ways down the dirt path. "Dru?" He called back to me. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head and said, "Yeah, just fine." I ran to catch up with him.

He tilted his head again and said, "What were you doing?"

I laughed and said, "Really? You have to ask? _Look_ at this place! It's the most beautiful place I have _ever_ seen in my life! This beats anything I imagined in the book, or saw in the movies or video games. It's just…unbelievable!" I grinned at him, though it was nothing compared to the gigantic grin he always wore.

Placing that grin back, he said, "Oh yeah! I forgot this is your first time to Wonderland. You're reaction was even better than Alice's! All she did, basically, was shrug and go along with everything. Though when she came back the second time, she thought it was a dream and kept asking one of us to pinch her." He threw his head back and laughing manically.

Smiling even wider at him, I said, "So where was it we were going?"

"Oh yeah! Thanks for reminding me!" He grabbed me by the wrist with incredible strength and started pulling me down the path. His tail was back to twitching with excitement.

We walked down the path for about ten minutes, Chess had to keep telling me to hurry up because I wanted to stop and stare at my multicolored surroundings every two seconds. Though he laughed at it, I could tell Chess was getting more impatient, and he was saying I was too impatient earlier!

Finally, we reached our destination. It was resembled a castle, but was much smaller than that of royalty. This one was only slightly bigger than Hatter's cottage and had smoke coming out of the chimney. I could smell something cooking, though I wasn't sure what. I sniffed the air, trying to decide what the odd smell was…nothing. I couldn't decipher it.

I heard Chess sniff the air rather loudly and I saw his face turn into a grimace. "Damn woman," he muttered under his breath. He let go of my wrist and walked up to the door, knocking hard against the wood. "Hey, Duchess!" He called inside. "Put the…uh…food you're eating down and let us in!" Food? Maybe it was whatever was cooking! I hoped the Duchess would share with me, I was starving. The only thing I had eaten in the past twenty four hours was Doritos, coke, and a cookie I had gotten from the Hatter's table.

I heard someone drop what sounding like a cooking pot and yell, "What do you want you damned cat?"

Aggravated, Chess sighed and called out, "The new guardian is here and she needs her fortune told!"

"New guardian?" The Duchess cried from the other side. "I thought the new guardian wasn't due for another hundred years!"

Sighing once more, Chess said, "Idiot! Alice has been serving for almost 150 years! It's time she take a break! Retire in Wonderland! Now let us in before I break this Alice damned door down!" Chess banged a fist against the door again.

Something occurred to me. I remembered something the Hatter had said earlier, something about 'where in the name of Alice.' "Alice damned?" I questioned Chess.

He turned back and said, "Yeah. Alice damned!"

My head tilted and I said, "So you use the Wonderland guardian's name like a god's?"

Chess just looked confused. "What do you mean…?"

"Don't you ever remember hearing something like 'god!' or 'god damn it!' like on TV or something when you were at my apartment?"

Still confused, Chess said, "Yeah…?"

"So in Wonderland, the guardian is like a god?" Chess nodded. "So when I become the new guardian, you're going to say something like 'Dru damn it'?"

Finally getting it, Chess grinned and said, "Yup!"

I thought about this for a moment. "Cool…" I drifted, thinking deeply.

So I'll be to the status of a _goddess_ soon, I told myself. I smiled a little as Chess began to reason with the Duchess to let us in again. Wow…was this really happening?

Just twenty four hours ago I was stressing about a final exam, and now…I'm in Wonderland trying to get my fortune read by the Duchess of all people!

Frustrated, Chess kicked the door and yelled, "Fine! We'll just be on our way! But if anything happens to Wonderland because you were too stubborn to open the damned door and give us a simple fortune, everyone is going to blame it on you! I hope you rot in the Red Queen's graveyard you ugly old hag!" And with one last kick, Chess grabbed me by the wrist and said, "Come on, Dru." He looked back and grinned at me. "We can get it done later! Even if I have to scratch out that hag's eyes, I'll make sure you get the fortune!"

I smiled shyly but asked, "Why do I need my fortune read? I didn't even know the Duchess gave fortunes."

"Yeah," Chess replied. "It's really just tradition that the new guardian has his or her fortune read to them. Personally, I think it's a bunch of bullshit, but tradition is tradition. And as the newly appointed head advisor of the guardian, it's my job to make sure what needs to be done, gets done. No matter what."

I suddenly laughed.

Looking back at me again, his tail whipping excitedly, Chess said, "What's so funny?"

"It's just so strange," I began. "In the both books, and in all the movies, your character wasn't much of a talker. But you've talked more than anyone else I've met here in Wonderland."

Chess sighed. "Yes, well, I didn't freely tell my side of the story when that damned author somehow slipped into the rabbit hole. He must have figured me to be a quiet, lonesome cat."

"You mean Lewis Carroll?" I asked, unbelieving.

Snapping his claws, Chess said, "That was the name! Yes, he's the one that wrote that damnable book in your world." Chess shuddered at some unknown memory. "That man was just plain…_mad_."

I laughed again. "I don't think your in any position to say who is and who isn't mad, Chess."

Crossing his arms stubbornly, he said, "I don't know what you mean. And I'm probably the sanest creature in Wonderland. Well, Caterpillar may have a few more sane points than me, but still."

We stopped walking suddenly. We were back in the front of Hatter's cottage; I could distantly here the March Hare and Hatter arguing about something. Curious, I left Chess's side and walked around the cottage to see what they were yelling at each other over.

"I see it! I swear it! I see it!" The March Hare yelled from across the table at Hatter. He was pointing at him with a spoon and saying, "See! See for yourself!"

"You're bloody mad!" Hatter yelled at him.

Lifting an eyebrow, I said, "You're one to talk, Hatter."

Hatter turned to glare at me for a moment, but within seconds was back to his happy self. He pointed a long white finger at the March Hare and said, "This hare claims to see the future within that spoon!"

"What are you screaming about now, Hatter?" I heard Chess saying, his voice coming from just inches away from my ear.

I jumped and said, "Where the hell did you come from?"

Confused, Chess said, "Dru, I still have my evaporating abilities. Just because my form has changed does not mean my powers have."

The Hatter and March Hare were giggling uncontrollably, the spoon incident completely forgotten about.

I face palmed. Looking at Chess, I asked, "Are these two always like this?"

Chess shrugged and said, "You get used to it after a while."

"Unlikely," I said.

He smirked and said, "Trust me when I say that they are no where near being the maddest in Wonderland."

Lifting an eyebrow, I said, "Really? Then who is the maddest?"

He shrugged again and said, "Hard to say for sure." He pointed his thumb in the direction of the two giggling characters. "But it definitely isn't them."

Overhearing our conversation, the March Hare picked up yet another tea pot and threw it at Chess's head (if you hadn't noticed, he had a habit of doing that). "Not mad? Not mad? I'll have you know that I am the maddest of the mad in this mad land!" He threw a tea cup this time, and it was aimed at me.

I wasn't nearly as quick as Chess, so I managed to earn myself another cut, this one on my forehead. "Ow!" I yelled as jagged edges met with skin.

I picked up a rock and threw it at the March Hare's head, who easily dodged it and started on another fit of giggles.

I was ready to throw another rock, when Hatter got up from his seat. His eyes were wide, and his voice suddenly deeper, rougher. "As we sit 'ere and laugh and play dear friends…Alice is slowly rotting in a dungeon, wishing we would come an' rescue 'er." His eyes flicked to me. "Unlike some, I care for our dear guardian. Now don't ye think we should go rescue her?"

His sudden change of voice scared me, I admit it. Turning back to Chess, the only one I found comfort in here in Wonderland, I asked, "So, ah, where do we start?"

Completely unfazed by the Hatter's sudden change, Chess said, "Perhaps we should start by going to see Caterpillar. He should know the best thing to do."

His voice suddenly back to normal, Hatter's eyes calmed down, and looked around confused. "Sorry about that. Did I miss something?"

Glancing at Chess, I said, "And he's _not_ the maddest?"

Grinning and shaking his head, Chess said, "Not even close."


	5. Fortune

**Review. Review or the March Hare will show up at your door step trying to stab you with a spoon!**

"Now repeat what I just told you, Dru," Chess ordered, a clawed finger pointing in my face. Chess and I were sitting under the tree in the backyard of Hatter's cottage, waiting on a messenger from Caterpillar.

Irritated, I sighed and said, "I won't tell anyone that I'm the new guardian of Wonderland. I won't speak unless spoken to by anyone but you or Hatter. I won't wonder off to anything or with anyone but you or Hatter." God, I felt like I was five years old.

Raising an eyebrow, Chess asked, "And?"

Through gritted teeth, I said, "And if anyone asks who I am I say I'm your…your…" I gritted my teeth even harder, not wanting to finish. I looked at Chess, his eyes were directly on mine, enjoying every moment of this. Taking a deep breath, I said, "Your…assistant."

Shaking a finger in my face, he said, "Nah uh! Those weren't my exact words."

I grit my teeth even harder, imagining Chess's neck snapping like a twig under my fingers. "I'll say I'm your bitch!" I yelled in his face.

His grin spread across his face as he ruffled my hair and said, "That's my bitch!"

I growled.

No really. I growled.

I sounded like a ferocious beast, surprising myself. I felt my eyes widen as I looked at Chess, who only shrugged and said, "Looks like your abilities are finally starting to emerge."

Confused, I said, "My abilities?"

"Yup! Of course you're going to have new powers, silly girl. You're going to practically be a goddess of this world soon!"

I smiled a little, anxious to know what my powers would be. "And what will my abilities include, Chess?"

Putting a finger to his chin, Chess said, "Honestly, it's still far too early to be sure. But it will be something grand, I promise you. And by the sound of the growl, you might have some sort of connection with the beasts of Wonderland. A valuable power indeed."

I thought about this a moment. Then it occurred to me. "What can Alice do?" I asked.

"Well, she's a highly gifted guardian, one of the most powerful we've ever seen. She can read the minds of most Wonderland creatures, she has telekinetic abilities, um…" he thought harder, trying to remember everything. "And she has an affinity for madness."

"An affinity for madness?"

Smiling, Chess said, "Yes. It's a very rare ability."

Curious, I asked, "Other than her powers, what is Alice like?"

He smiled even bigger. "She's incredibly beautiful. She has long hair the color of the sun." He looked up at the sky, and said, "Well, your world's sun. And her eyes are the color as violets. She's also very kind and generous, though she can be tough and cold when she needs to be. And, as the Hatter describes her, she is truly a goddess of beauty and power."

I glanced over at the Hatter, who was singing and toasting his cup of tea with the March Hare and Dormouse. "He's in love with her, isn't he?"

I saw a flash of pain cross through Chess's eyes. "Yes, he loves her more than Wonderland itself. He loves her more than he loves life. He loves her more than he does the hats he makes! And," Chess lowered his voice, not wanting the Hatter to here his next words. "I'm almost positive that she loves him back."

"Then why are they not together?" I asked. Wow, was I really gossiping in Wonderland with the Cheshire Cat?

His grin suddenly turned to one of sadness. "She is forbidden to love anyone. Any and all guardians have been forbidden to love anyone or anything other than Wonderland."

Looking down at the ground, I started picking at a large flower that resembled a lily, though had random splotches of orange and purple. "That's horrible," I said.

Taking the flower from my hands, Chess said, "Yes, yes it is. But that hasn't stopped some of the guardians from loving before." He placed the flower behind my ear, his fingers lingering for a second. Only a second.

I fought back a shiver as I said, "So why doesn't Alice and Hatter just have a secret relationship?"

"Unfortunately, there is a very good reason that the guardians are forbidden to love." He withdrew his hand from my hair.

Titling my head, I asked, "And what is that reason?"

"The few guardians that have ignored the rule have…well, they basically brought absolute total mayhem to Wonderland. If the guardian loves, they lose their powers and Wonderland's madness goes out of control. That's the one ability that every single guardian of Wonderland has had, is the control over madness." Seeing my confused expression, he said, "And no, that's not the same as the affinity for madness as what Alice has." He scratched his chin; I noticed it was around the spot he used to love having me scratch in his cat form. "In the world of Wonderland, madness is a…it's kind of like one of the elements in your world I suppose. Like water, fire, earth, and air. But madness goes far beyond any physical attachment to nature. Madness is more of a…perhaps spiritual element than anything else. It is literally an essence that embraces all those in Wonderland. And only a very few have been blessed with an affinity for it.

"So what is this affinity for madness?"

Chess struggled to find the right words. "It's rather difficult. Um, I suppose you could describe it as having this…great mass of madness within yourself, within your soul, your very being. And you can do very much with that madness. For example, the madness can make you the fiercest, most powerful fighter in the land. And the madness can give you incredible beauty, hence Alice's looks. And with that beauty, you can take control over and make others go mad…well, madder than they already are."

Looking up at the sky, I said, more to myself, "I wonder what that must be like."

"What do you mean?"

"To be so beautiful that you make everyone around you go mad because of it."

"But you're already so beautiful, Dru." I felt a slight blush spread through my cheeks. No one had ever called me beautiful before, not even my own family.

Seeing my blush, Chess smiled again and continued, "You're dark hair is beautiful, it reminds me of a raven's wing. And your eyes." He stared right into my eyes. "They remind me of ice glaciers. It's such a beautiful shade of ice blue that I have never seen before. And you have an extraordinary personality. You can be fierce, yet caring. Those are qualities one will need to watch over Wonderland." I blushed even more, wanting him to stop.

"Why do you say such things?" I asked, not daring to look up at him.

Chess was about to say something, when I heard a voice start screeching, "Here! Here! I'm here! Super secret message for a Mister Chester Cat!" The little bird that had delivered the message from Alice arrived, landing on my shoulder, and out of breath.

"You mean the _Cheshire _Cat?" Chess asked, annoyed.

"Oops, sorry," the bird said. He handed a small envelope to Chess and said, "Would you like another message delivered?"

"No thank you," Chess said, opening the letter as the little bird flew away.

"Well?" I asked, as Chess read.

His eyes quickly scanned the piece of paper, his grin returning. "We head to Caterpillar's gardens immediately!" He announced.

Before I could say anything, Chess pulled me up and dragged me to a waiting Hatter, his eyes shining. You could say he was eager to go looking for Alice ASAP.

"Are we leaving right this very second?" I asked.

The Hatter gave me a dirty look and said, "Of course! I refuse to leave the guardian in that Alice forsaken place any longer!"

Shrugging I said, "Let's go?"

And with that, I was being pulled by a cheerful Chess and a (suddenly) cheerful Hatter. I sighed quietly and muttered to myself, "I'm never going to get used to these idiots."

Chess looked down at me and said, "What was that?"

I grinned. "Oh nothing."

"You're a strange girl," Hatter said.

"You're a towel!" I said, using one of my favorite lines from South Park

Looking confused, Hatter said, "Madame, you must have truly gone mad just now. As you can see, I do not resemble a towel in any shape whatsoever."

Chess and I laughed. Unlike the Hatter, Chess got the joke. He had spent the past few years with me after all. "Hatter," Chess said, "You better not piss her off, otherwise she might kill your parents and feed them to you in a bowl of chili."

I laughed, while the Hatter just looked even more confused. "I do not understand. You know I have no parents! They vanished when I was just a child. And what is…_chili_?"

Chess and I laughed even harder. I just might get used to these idiots after all, I thought, smiling as we continued around the cottage and down the dirt path Chess and I had taken earlier.

We took a turn that I hadn't noticed earlier and soon the forest got even thicker, harder to walk through. The branches were scratching at my tangled hair and cutting my face a little. I didn't mind though. It wasn't be nearly as bad as get stabbed in the ribs with a fricken razorblade or having a flying pair of scissors leave a deep gash in your shoulder. I glared at the Hatter over the incident. At least he hasn't tried to murder me with a spoon, I thought.

Yep, that's right.

A while ago I was thirsty and decided to have some tea. Well the March Hare didn't like that apparently, and thought it would be just dandy to try and stab me with a silver spoon. I had somehow seen him on time though, and had caught his wrist just as he had launched himself at me, aiming to scoop out one of my eyes I guess. Now that I thought about it, Chess had said that my reflexes would become sharper as well, so I guess that was already starting to happen.

I was about to ask when I would finally get all my abilities, when I heard a familiar voice yelling, "Wait! Wait up, I said!"

Turning around, I saw…holy crap. It was the Duchess! Jeez and she looked just like the cartoon in the book too! Gigantic head, extremely ugly, and she seemed to change personalities every two seconds.

She waddled after us, reminding me of a penguin; a penguin with a head that wobbled from side to side like a bobble head.

"You still need your fortune!" The Duchess declared, out of breath as she reached us.

I looked at Chess. "I thought you said it was all just a bunch of crap?"

He only shrugged and said, "Tradition is tradition. Let's just get this done and over with."

Without hesitation, the Duchess grabbed my wrist, painfully squeezing it as I fought back the urge to give her a black eye. Of course it would take a few punches just to give her one black eye, so why waste my energy?

The Duchess's beady black eyes, squinted, gazing at my palm. Palm reading, I thought. How cheesy. Are Scooby and the gang going to show up next?

After a minute (which felt more like a year), the Duchess's eyes widen, and she finally released my wrist. Her eyes on mine, she said, "Disaster. I see chaos and disaster." She looked down at the ground as if saddened. Then, her eyes were sparkling as she walked away, calling over her shoulder, "Have a nice trip, Guardian Drusilla!"

She just walked away, leaving me, Chess, and Hatter just standing there staring, wondering what the hell just happened.


	6. Ways of Travel

**Okay, I know it's been a while since I last updated. But I had taken a break from this story to work on another. Well now I'm going to take a break from that story to work on this one! Review!**

Confused and disgruntled by the Duchess's fortune, me, Chess, and Hatter just walked in silence for a while, none of us wanting to speak.

That changed quickly.

"Sooooooooo," Hatter said, trying to break the uncomfortable silence.

"So what?" I asked.

"Just trying to make conversation," Hatter grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Honestly Chess, just what do you see in this woman?"

I looked at Chess, a questioning glare in my eyes. "What does he mean, Chess?"

He coughed. "Just, ah, what I see in you as a guardian. You are strong willed, stubborn, fierce, caring…"

"Oh shut up! You know what I-!" Before Hatter could finish, Chess made a tight fist and (being at least half a head taller than Hatter) hit Hatter on the head easily.

"Would you shut it, already? Dru might not want to talk right now. We did just receive some disturbing news after all…"

"You said yourself that the fortune telling thing was bullshit," I pointed out.

"Since Mister-Grumpy-Pants doesn't want to talk of anything to do with Wonderland, tell me about yourself, Drusilla." The Hatter said.

"What do you want to know?"

"Tell me of…" he thought for a moment, "your family!"

I groaned, so did Chess.

"What did I say?"

I pinched between my eyes. "Jesus, where do I begin…?"

"What is she talking about?" Hatter whispered to Chess.

"You'll find out soon," Chess whispered back.

"I can hear you, ya know." I sighed. Just get this over with. "Okay I was born and raised in New Orleans until the age of thirteen. I had idiot parents who sold pot out of our garage and a little sister that I still love and adore. But on my thirteenth birthday, my parents decided it would be a good idea to start teaching me the 'business'," I made air quotes. "and made me start growing my own herb and I didn't like selling the 'special herb' as they called it. So I 'accidently' told my uncle, who happens to be a cop, about our little business. Next thing I know the cops are busting down my front door, arrest my parents, and my uncle takes me and my little sister in and I haven't seen my parents since the last time I saw them in prison. Turns out they were also selling heroin but hadn't told me about that so that doubled their sentence. They should be out by the time…oh on my thirty third birthday most likely. Thirty, if they have good behavior, which that hasn't been going so well…"

I looked at Hatter, who just seemed confused. "What is heroin? And why is a pot illegal? That's where your tea goes for Alice's sake!"

I sighed. Ignoring the questions Hatter kept throwing at me.

Then I remembered something. I stopped walking. "Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. _**Shit!**_"

"What's wrong, Drusilla?" Hatter asked.

"Celia's _high school graduation_ is next week! Oh sweet mother of Christ she is going to _kick my ass_ if I miss it! Oh god, and so is Tray! Damn it! Why couldn't you have waited to bring me to Wonderland like, in another week and a half?" I grabbed Chess by the shoulders, shaking him with more strength than I should have had.

Startled by my sudden anger and strength, Chess grabbed my wrists, trying to calm me. "Now, now, Dru. I'm sure…well, you see…it wasn't even me who brought you here! It was one of the Red Queen's goons! You know that! And besides, Celia and Tray might forgive you if you just-!"

"If I just _what_? Say, 'oh yeah, I couldn't make the biggest day of your life so far because my talking cat had to give me a tour of Wonderland'? Jesus! Even if they do believe me, which I highly doubt, they're still gonna be _pissed off_."

"Good Alice, child! Is the sanctity of Wonderland not more important than some…what was it again?" Hatter said, his voice going rough like it had earlier.

I grabbed him by the shoulders now. "You don't understand how _vengeful_ Celia can be! She stabbed me in the shoulder once just for _accidently _stepping on her foot! Then she proceeded to eat, yes _eat_ my damn homework! You should have seen my teacher's face the next day when I said 'my _sister_ ate my homework!'"

Chess pulled me off a now trembling Hatter, who had shrunk to the ground in fetal position, muttering something about, "Alice is more important…"

"So much for self control," Chess muttered.

"GAH! Just forget it! Let's go already! I want to rescue Alice before Celia's graduation! Oh god, Chess please tell me I can go back home when I want or need to!"

My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my head, they were so wide.

"Well, Dru," Chess said. "Since you're only a guardian in training, you can come and go as you please. But once the title of guardian has been passed to you, you will forever be bound to Wonderland, unable to leave."

"WHAT?" My voice raised several octaves.

Wincing at my voice, he continued. "Yes, I'm afraid that Wonderland will be your number one priority from now on until your duties as guardian are relieved."

I just stared, mouth hanging open and eyes wider than plates.

"You goddamned cat!" I screamed.

I picked up a fallen tree limb and started beating the living hell out of Chess with it, enjoying his noises of pain.

When Hatter started laughing at the scene, I hit him on the head too. And when Chess laughed at him, I hit Chess on the head again, and the cycle repeated for a while. Hit Chess, hit Hatter. Hit Chess, hit Hatter. Hit Chess, hit Hatter. Hit Chess, hit Hatter. It was actually quite fun.

After another minute of beating them, I threw the branch to the ground and sat down on a fallen tree, refusing to get up. "I here by relinquish my guardian duties!" I called out stubbornly.

"You've gotta be kidding me." A bloodied Hatter said, a hand to a still bleeding gash on his forehead.

"Dru, you can't just quit your duties as guardian!" Chess said, staggering a little as he walked to me.

I glared. "And why the hell not? I never asked to be the damned guardian!"

Chess glared back. "Dru, I picked you out specifically because you had the touch, the spark. We can't just let Wonderland go without a guardian, and let you go off in the human world and especially not when your powers are just now starting to come in! It would be completely disastrous!" He was in my face now, almost yelling.

"Find someone else!" I yelled.

"I can't! There is _one_ and only _one _new guardian every 150 years or so! We can not let Wonderland go without a guardian!"

"It seems you people of Wonderland rely a little _too_ much on the guardian to keep Wonderland stable! Do it yourself!"

"We _can't_!"

"Why the hell do you keep saying you can't? Why the hell not?"

"Because without a guardian to, oh, I don't know, _guard _Wonderland, this world would completely fall apart and eventually cease to exist!"

"This place is not even supposed to exist in the first place! This place is just supposed to be a fairytale land in a children's book!"

"You say that because of that damned fool Lewis Carroll who somehow came here and wrote about this place!"

Hatter awkwardly raised a hand during mine and Chess's screaming match. "_What_?" We both looked at Hatter.

For once, he was the sanest in the group.

"Perhaps we could discuss this on the way to Caterpillar's?" He simply said, as if that would solve all our problems.

Not knowing what else to say, Chess and I gave up and walked on opposite sides of Hatter, refusing to talk to each other.

Hatter was back to being the insane one.

He lifted up his usual large hat to reveal a full tea set, each piece stacked neatly on top of another. He poured a cup and offered with a toothy grin, "Tea anyone? I just love a good cup of _tea_."

"You're insane." I muttered under my breath.

"What was that? Tea you said? Here you go!" Before I could stop him, Hatter threw an entire cup of tea at me. I surprised myself when I caught the cup, not spilling a drop.

Usually, Chess would have praised me at how my reflexes were starting to improve, but he ignored my little success and accepted his own cup of tea. I admit it hurt a little, but not enough to keep me from staying mad at him.

"Damn cat," I muttered.

"What was that, Dru?"

"Oh nothing."

"You two are rather entertaining!" Hatter commented, already pouring his third cup of tea, while still balancing the entire tea set on his head.

Sighing, I asked, "How in the hell do you do that?"

"Do what?" Hatter asked, blindly reaching for several sugar cubes.

"That!" I pointed to the top of his head.

"Honestly, Drusilla. Be more specific!"

I face palmed. "You've gotta be kidding me."

"You get used to him, Dru. I promise." Chess finally spoke to me.

"Are we on speaking terms again?" I asked, not liking the awkward five minutes of silence that had passed between us. It may have been just five minutes, but each of those minutes had felt like an eternity.

I looked at him just in time to see him give me his usual Glasgow-like grin. "Sure thing."

Hatter looked from me to Chess, Chess to me, and busted out into a fit of giggles.

"What now?" I asked.

"Well-" Hatter began, but was quickly cut off by Chess.

"Just ignore him. That's what I do."

"Whatever you say," I said, moving towards him to ruffle his shaggy hair.

I swear I almost heard him start purring. I busted out into my own set of giggles, unable to control myself.

"What?" Chess asked.

"Is it not obvious?" Hatter asked.

"No."

"Then you're about as smart as a teaspoon!"

"You guys are idiots. And how much longer 'til we get there?" I asked, growing impatient.

"Well, if we continue walking, another week." Hatter said.

"What?"

"If we continue _walking_. But I find that traveling by hat is much quicker and quite the adventure!"

"And just how are we going to travel by _hat_?"

He reached into one of his many pockets to pull out a bottle of some purplish liquid. I suddenly felt a little excited.

"Is that what I think it is?" I asked.

"What is it you think it is?" Hatter asked absently.

Before I could answer, he shoved the bottle opening into my mouth, making me drink. I started shrinking instantly.

I thought I was going to disappear for a second but knew better. I stopped shrinking when I became about the size of one of the Red Queen mice Chess liked to chase. I looked around, noticing how dark it was all of a sudden and realized I was completely naked and inside of the beautiful dress that had once fit me.

"Uh, you guys?" I called out shyly, surprised my voice still sounded the same and not squeaky.

"Yes, Dru?" I heard Chess ask. He seemed to have already shrunk to the same size and was outside of my dress.

"Chess! Tell that damned hatter to make me another dress or just _something_!" I called out, anger clear in my voice.

"What do you-? Oh." Chess sounded embarrassed, realizing what I meant. "Hatter! Take some of the fabric from her dress and make another. _Now_."

"She could always go without. I wouldn't mind, and I know _you_ my dear Chess, wouldn't mind at all." I heard a fist make contact with a skull and Hatter mumble "Okay! Jeez, have a since of humor, Cheshire."

I heard some snipping and sewing of fabric (god only knows where he kept a fricken sewing kit if his hat was almost full) and the next thing I knew, a dress that would fit me was shoved under the pile of fabric to me.

This dress was completely white and came up to about three or four inches above my knee. It was a little short for my tastes, but it was better than walking around completely naked.

I crawled from under the fabric to Chess and Hatter. As I got up, Chess hit Hatter on the head again. "Why the hell is it so short you perverted freak!"

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest, saying, "I can't help but notice you're the first to mention the shortness of my dress, Chess." I cringed at the unintentional rhyme. Hatter busted out laughing again, dramatically holding his sides. I saw Chess blush a little. "So how are we going to 'travel by hat'?" I asked.

I looked around to find Hatter's hat, now looking like a giant, had not shrunk.

Hatter grinned at me and said, "Hop on the hat and let the wind guide us of course!"

"Hatter, normally I would say that that is the stupidest idea I've ever heard, but then again, we are in Wonderland." Hatter and I jumped onto the hat and looked back at Chess, who was staring like he was suddenly struck dumb. "What?" I asked, glaring at the staring cat.

"N-nothing." I hadn't noticed his stammer at the time. Chess joined us on the hat and the second both his feet hit the fabric, a sudden fierce wind brought us up and we were traveling to Caterpillar's gardens.

**So yeah. Review. Just Review. Why? Because Skullchild says so…I promise I'll start working on the next chapter immediately.**


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